In How I Earned My Wrinkles, Musings on Marriage, Motherhood and
Menopause, I poked fun at myself in quite a few chapters.
I have to be very careful with the order of those words. If I confuse
them (like that could happen) it’s totally different story.
Just imagine Marriage, Menopause and Motherhood:
If I had a baby during menopause! In addition to
finding my purse, keys and peanut butter, I’d have
to find the baby!
Menopause and marriage……let’s be honest. No man in his right mind
would marry a woman in the midst of menopause. Nothing says romance
like a hot-flashing, angry, bloated, crying woman. Let’s add totally confused
just to keep it real.
I’m still waiting for the review that is painfully honest. The book did get 5 star
reviews, BUT not a single person mentioned my wisdom. I don’t want it to read:
“Anne Bardsley is envied for her firm, toned & tan, thighs. They distract the
public from that roll she has grown on her belly. She’s going to need to
a dermatologist to distract them from that mole shooting out
a 3” hair on her left cheek (facial cheek). Do not believe her when she says,
“Oh, it’s my wisdom reaching out into the universe, like an antenna.”
No! No! No! Hell no! It’s a freaking mole hair. If she doesn’t cut it soon,
she’ll be able to hang laundry out to dry on it. She is delusional if she thinks
that what wisdom looks like.
Imagine there is a 3″ hair with a nice wave, gently
swaying in the breeze…on my left cheek. You can barely
notice it here because I tweezed it ever so gently….
while my foot was locked in place on the tub…. for
added traction. I think the roots went down to my toes.
Let’s face it there will never be an article about my toned and tan thighs
or hopefully my mole hair on my left (facial) cheek. I feel the need to
clarify which cheek. If you can keep a secret, I just found a long black hair
on my chin. I pulled that sucker out so fast!!
Since my birthday a few weeks ago, I developed sore butt bones.
My husband jokes that I have Arthritic Ass Syndrome….ASS is the acronym.
I seriously can’t sit for long. So what’s woman to do? I suppose I could take
a little beauty rest, hopefully without snoring and talking in my sleep.
This is just a little warning: Do not touch my wisdom mole while I am sleeping!