As soon as I open my eyes, I thank God for all my blessings: my husband, my kids, my grandkids, great friends, good health, my house, our food, my writing, and even the blessings I don’t know are coming yet. I am one blessed lady. I am also one very grateful lady.
This feeling has always been present in my life, but last week it became especially strong. You see, I had a bit of a meltdown. It hit me out of the blue and I was not ready for it. Who is every really ready? I sat on my sofa at 5 a.m. in tears. They just kept dripping and dripping. I felt an overwhelming sadness.
My husband woke an hour later and was shocked to find me like this. “Have you been crying?” he asked. I could barely answer him and the tears came again. He immediately hugged me. When we were first married, I taught him if I’m ever upset, just hug me. He learned that lesson quickly. We sat on the sofa for the next hour trying to figure out what was happening with me.
I questioned everything about myself. What if I can’t really write? What if I’m really a failure and I just don’t know it? Maybe I don’t really make the difference I think I’m making. Maybe, maybe, maybe…..the list went on. I must have used up all my tears and dehydrated myself. They finally stopped.
Scott’s response was. “Whaattt? Have you met your kids? Where do you think they leaned to be kind? You have so many friends who love you. I love you! You are way too hard on yourself. Angel Bumps has its own wings.”
And there I went again….”I don’t know how to market Angel Bumps. Oprah hasn’t called me; Neither has Ellen. Nothing is working like it should. Maybe I really am a failure. You would tell me wouldn’t you?” He scratched his head and made us coffee.
I sat thinking who could I talk to in Heaven about this feeling? Scott brought me a piece of toast with my coffee. We never have toast with our coffee, but this morning we did. One bite of the toast and a sip of coffee and it reminded me that my Gran had that for breakfast every single morning. That taste brings her right back to me. I cried even more thinking she could be sitting on the couch me with me. She passed away when I was in my early twenties. In the midst of my meltdown, my Gran “Angel Bumped” me.
Later that morning I spoke with a friend who told me we all get down. “But I’m a strong woman,” I told her. “I don’t do this! I don’t meltdown!” She gave me a mantra to repeat.
God loves me. God wants me to be happy. God wants to bless me. God wants me to prosper.
I said it ten times in the car out loud. I still say it. It works. My outlook changes almost immediately.
Within the next week, everything shifted. A friend I don’t know well called to meet for lunch. Another called to meet for dinner. A new friend messaged me, “Can we please have lunch?” And still another wanted to meet for dinner and walk on the beach to catch up. None of them knew I had a meltdown. It was like God sent out a memo to people.
I got a notice that I was September’s humorist of the month at truehumor.com with threes stories. One of my stories was on Erma Bombeck’s humorwriters.org site. An application to get Angel Bumps in every Barnes and Noble arrived in my mailbox. A new friend contacted me about an author venue.
I can say now that the meltdown was a blessing. It got my attention to slow down and let things unfold in faith. “Unfold in faith.” that was my message. Let go and let God. You see, when I think things are falling apart, God is really putting things together for me. I just need to remember:
God loves me, God wants me to be happy. God wants to bless me. God wants me to prosper.
I’m letting things unfold in faith today.