Today I asked my husband if he wanted a piece of Hershey’s. He looked shocked. “Hell no! When and where did you get herpes?” he yelled.
I said, “Hershey’s, the chocolate bar, not herpes!” I plugged his hearing aids in his ears a bid forcefully, I admit.
I never thought I would like my husband’s hearing aids. I thought they were for old people. I wasn’t a fan of wires sticking out of people’s ears. Call me vain if you like. When he had his hearing tested a few years ago, I was invited into the testing room. “I want you to see that your husband really can’t hear. He’s not trying to annoy you.” Sure enough, his hearing in one ear was at sixty percent. His other ear was less, but that is the ear that faces me if he’s driving the car. We could have normal conversations in the car, but not in the house.
Once I told him I was going to take a nap. He left the room and came back with bug spray. “Where are they?” he asked holding the can in spray position.
“The gnats!” he barked. “You said you saw gnats. I’ll spray them while you nap.”
My personal favorite is when I mentioned seductively (in my mind) that we should sneak away for a romp. He smiled and said, “I’ll go sharpen my skates.”
He heard rink, not romp. How’s that for a mood killer? He left to go sharpen his blades.
Another time I asked for a glass of water. He brought me the remote. There a few things that annoy the hell out of him. My favorite heels apparently sound like a nail gun on our tile floors. I have to hide them in my closet. I know he’ll throw them out.
Now I love those hearing aids. They are more advanced and you can barely see them. If I whisper in the bad ear, he thinks I’m trying to suck his brains out.
If I whisper in his good ear, he takes me to the skating rink.
I love this man!