I knew things were bad when my daughter called a doctor to make a house call. I visiting her in Colorado. I was hoping my out of state insurance would pay for the visit. I was reclining on the couch when the doctor arrived.
She must have woken him up because he arrived in his blue plaid bathrobe! When I questioned his medical experience, he held my hand and said, “Don’t worry. I’m a very good doctor.” His smile calmed immediately. He adjusted his blue, round, plastic glasses and began the exam.
“Do you have the sneezles?” he asked, as he opened his ET lunch box/medical bag.
Just then I sneezed and he noted on my chart that I did indeed have the sneezles. He put his hand on my forehead and noted on his pad that I had a “tempture.”
I was concerned. First the sneezles, now a fever, what was next? I asked the doc and he said, “I need to listen to your heart.” He carefully placed the stethoscope on my chest. It could hear the healthy thump-thump-thump. He smiled and said, ”You have a good heart, but I need to check your reflexes. Don’t kick me when I hit your knee.” I promised to be careful.
After all these tests, I finally got a diagnosis. He sat next to me on the couch with a very serious expression. He noted something on my chart. “You have a germ.” He reported, frowning.
“What kind of germ?” I asked nervously.
“It’s a bad germ and I need to do “surgry.”
“Is that like surgery, Doc?” I asked.
“No, it’s different. This is serious “surgry.”
He pulled a mini, green plastic dinosaur from his ET lunch box/medical bag. “It looks like this.” He showed me a half inch green dinosaur. “Don’t touch it or you will need more surgrys.”
I was very concerned about my Colorado Germ. ”Should I be worried?” I giggled.
“Oh yes! You should be very worried!” His eyebrows went high, then low. This was serious.
I shrieked. “Will it hurt?” I asked like a scaredy-cat.
“Well, let’s see.” He pulled out a set of gray, plastic pliers, stuck the germ under the hem of my shorts and proceeded to start surgry.
“I am so happy I found you, Doc,” I told him, as he extracted my germ. Just then he pinched my leg with his pliers. I mean extraction instrument. “Ouch!” I yelped and he giggled. The giggle turned into a laughing fit.
I thanked him for coming right over and taking such good care of me. “It’s my job,” he answered seriously. “I’m also Bob The Builder if you need me to build you something.”
Just then he saw something out of the corner of his eye. “Oh no! This is very bad. I see another germ on your other leg!” He unpacked his ET lunchbox/medical bag and began the exact comprehensive procedure all over again. ‘
“Do you have the sneezles?” he asked.
Naturally, I sneezed. “Doc, I know I have a germ,” I said seriously.
“Well, I’m the doctor here so I’ll let you know if you do, ” he retorted.
I don’t even care how much my co-pay is for these visits. I hope I have germs forever.