I am not the type of person who ever took drugs to hallucinate,
until last week. I didn’t try to see strange things, but there they
were, nonetheless. I’d complained to my doctor that I was
perspiring so heavily on my face, neck, and chest that it was
embarrassing. I actually have videos on my phone to prove my
sweat attacks are serious. There’s one in my car through the
rear-view mirror actually showing sweat drops. There’s a back
shot of my head to show my soaking wet hair. There’s
one to music. That was an accident. I have a dozen all together.
Previous doctors all diagnosed post-menopausal hot flashes. That
made me heat up even faster. Did they not see my videos? I’m
sixty-nine years old. This has nothing to do with menopause!
I listened patiently to their suggestions. Calm down was a common
suggestion. Seriously, calm down? I whipped out my camera to show
my number six video, with droplets of sweat on my forehead and
fogged up glasses.
”Let’s add some iron to your supplements, even though your iron
is fine in your bloodwork,” one doctor suggested. That just gave me
black stools while I sweated on the toilet!
Another doctor suggested I take a calming tea. I pulled up photo
number eight that showed the entire front of my chest soaked. I
should be a photographer. I captured two drops of water dripping
from my chin hair! When the hell did that get there? I should just
capitalize of this excessive perspiration.
Another doctor suggested Botox until he saw the area that I drenched.
“Well, that would be a fortune if we gave you the injections!” At
least he was honest.
Another prescribed a roll on anti-perspirant. “You want me to put this
on my face?” I asked. Okay so I was being snarky, but seriously the
label stated clearly to cover the entire armpit area and apply at night.
Again, I pulled up another video to prove the areas that needed
attention. It was not my armpits.
Finally, I found a very nice doctor who took me seriously. He told me
I was like a puzzle. We’d have to try different medications to see
which worked the best. Finally! I had tears in my eyes. I was so full
of hope. I’d finally been heard.
I started on Nortriptyline 25 mg. Next visit it was increased to 50 mg.
I was feeling a difference. At 75 mg I really noticed a difference. He
added 1 mg of Glycopyrrol to get the full effect.
For weeks, I slept like a baby. I did have dry mouth, but that was
a side effect I was willing to live with. Last week I had a strange
thing happened in the middle of the night. I woke to see my
granddaughter, who lives in North Carolina, standing in my bedroom
entrance. I was shocked! “Kaylee, come here and lay by my side.
It’s cozy,” I told her. She never moved. I went back to sleep.
The most recent thing has been a black, hairy spider. He was on
my husband’s arm when I opened my eyes. He said I scratched at
his arm, but he had no idea why. “Get that spider!” I screamed.
It was moving up and down his arm. I threw the covers off,
but no spider shook out.
The next two mornings I woke to a huge, black, hairy, spider on
the ceiling right over our bed. I jumped under the covers and yelled,
“Get that damn spider!” I had my head covered in case he dropped.
Again, my husband said, “There is no spider.” I opened my eyes,
and the spider went poof. I watched him disappear. It was like
watching a cartoon.
I closed my eyes to relax for a few minutes and when I opened
them again, guess who was back! Yes, the big, black, hairy, spider
and his legs had more hair this time. I dove under the covers once
more screaming for my husband to kill that thing.
Anne, there is no spider.” I pointed to it. We have a white ceiling. You
could not miss this baseball size spider. Poof! He went again.
Imagine how sad I was to learn I may have to stop the drug that cured
my sweating malady. Sure, it makes me see bugs that go poof on my
ceiling, but this is not fair.
I’ll be back to videoing my dripping head. If only I could get that
spider in the camera lens. Surely my doctor might put me back on
the meds and prescribe a massive can of bug spray.
Time will tell.