My daughter had just walked out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. Her long hair was piled high in a blue striped towel. “Ekkkkk That is the largest spider I have ever seen in your house!” she screamed. I imagined a baby dinosaur size creature. I ran to get the broom and my husband’s shoe. I’d get rid of it one way or another. When I turned the corner, I spotted the beast.
Sure enough it was about four inches long with its spindly legs. It could really motor with those long legs. I swatted it with a broom, jumped back and screamed.
The damn thing hid in my over the toilet cabinet. It had fallen on to the top shelf. I climbed on the nearest bar stool. I couldn’t get the bar stool to stop spinning so my daughter took charge. She climbed up and looked from the high view. Sure enough there he was. He was in the corner hiding like a little girl. “Spray him with this Oxy-clean laundry spray,” I suggested. “We’re out of bug spray.”
“Pass me something flat so I can squish him,” she said calmly. Bam! The book almost hit the spider. It ran down the cabinet and settled inside. We all screamed as it made its way inside the closed doors.
“He could be anywhere in there. All of your beauty products are in there and he’ll be climbing all over them,” I shuttered. Being the creative person I am, I decided we should tape him inside the cabinet until my husband got home. If one of his long, hairy, legs popped out of the door, I was going screaming to the hills.
We settled down to relax after that stressful visit. I imagined the spider wasn’t very happy about it either. Here he was just cruising along my wall when the screaming started. I’m sure he had no idea he was the cause for the shrieks. After all, he was just looking for a few ants to munch on for lunch.
“AHGGGHHHH!!!!” Where did that woman come from with a blue and white towered hairdo? And why was the older woman smacking at him with a broom? He hadn’t even done anything wrong. He just wanted to get take-out for lunch. He scurried as fast as his hairy legs would run.
That spray cleaner made him feel fuzzy, intoxicated even. He almost fell to the floor when he attempted to drop down into the closet. He did not feel like Spiderman in the least. He curled up near the Intensive Eye Cream Wrinkle Reducer and dozed off from exhaustion.
Thank goodness the towel headed lady didn’t tape up the escape patch in the back. Slowly and very careful,y he wedged his body loose and dodged down the wall, across the room and under the bed. Relieved, but still feeling strangely woozy, he fell asleep once again.
Hours later, my daughter conducted a spider hunt to be sure he was not in her bedroom. When she lifted the bed skirt, there he was. He was shriveled up and dead. The Oxy had killed him.
I felt sad for a little bit. Then I thought big, scary, spiders should come with cages. Like an American Express commercial….. Don’t Leave Home Without it. When humans arrived, the spider should immediately dive into the cage and look innocent.
There would be no fear factor. I’d even round up a take-out lunch for that one.