I realized today that if I just took action instead of pondering things I’d like to do, my life would be richer. I’m sixty-three, but I look much younger (in my mind, anyway). I still feel like I’m thirty- six. In fact, I often confuse my age and my bra size from those years. I told my doctor I was thirty-six or thirty-eight, depending on the brand. If it’s a push up bra I look even younger. I saw him scribble “MDI Syndrome” (Major Denial Issues) in my chart.
I have a calling to become a mentor for pregnant teenage girls. I was pregnant at eighteen. Times were much different then, but I think some of the feelings are the same. This one is kind of selfish because I love babies. I know I’d get to hold them once they’re born. It just takes effort on my part.
There are three year olds who swim better than I do. I need to drop the doggy paddle. If I dove into swim lessons twenty years ago, when I first thought about it, I’d be a lifeguard by now. First of all, it would take me too long to get up and down those steps of a lifeguard stand now. If I jumped down, I’d break my ankles. And let’s be honest…the vision of me climbing up into that high stand is not a good one. Trust me, no one would try to drown to get my attention to get mouth to mouth. Again, it takes effort.
I’ve been thinking about becoming a vegetarian since 1986. Yay black beans! My friend, Elaine Ambrose, just wrote a story about farting in an MRI machine. It got shared hundreds of thousands of times around the world. So do I want to be healthy or get more stories out? I’m not clear on this yet, but I bought a case of black beans, hummus, and tofu. I’m preparing to toot out a best seller this week. Did I mention I bought kale too? I made the effort.
I’ve been pondering joining a gym again. Actually I should say GOING to the gym. I’ve joined three different times, at three different gyms. I still have their little plastic tags on my key ring. It makes me feel healthy when I shake it. I found something wrong or annoying with each gym. The first one I joined had blaring, rap music. The other had extremely intense, sweaty people running around. The third one had grunters. Horrible noises come from these people. They scare me. I need Motown music. A little moisture on the brow is enough sweating for me. I don’t want to see sweat lines in your shorts. Most of all, I need a grunt free place to work out…if I go. I’d have to make serious effort.
I’d like to master Zumba class. I enjoy water Zumba. It’s not sweaty and you can just bounce in the water and it looks like exercise. I need to work on some of the moves because I rubbed off my blue toe nail polish on the bottom of the pool. It seems I am a toe dragger instead of a high kicker. Toe dragging takes little effort.
These are all good, attainable goals, don’t you agree? I believe each one is valuable to my body, mind and spirit. However, something is holding me back. Naturally, I blame the Big M…Menopause. It has turned me into a lazy woman, unless there is wine or ice cream at the end of the line. Each step requires effort on my part. I know I could be a better version of myself. Which leads me to my new quest.
I am convinced that Dr. Oz will soon discover The Banana Peel Diet. In my mind, this would allow women to just peel off the extra, unwanted weight and put the peel in the disposal. For gardeners, it could also be used for compost. In fact, we could have a free, banana-fat-peel, pick -up station to share with the community. I am all about sharing with the community!
That my friends, requires no effort at all.
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