I was a late bloomer in my chest. I was in eighth grade playing softball when I realized it. The pitcher on our softball team had a bra shadow. I was playing shortstop, hoping the ball didn’t get hit in my direction. I stood with my mouth wide open in shock. I thought our entire class had breast buds like me, except for Rosemary. She had cantaloupe breasts.
When our team came up to bat, I was horrified to see that every girl on our team had a bra shadow. Worse yet, every girl from the opposing team had one too. I was the only girl wearing an undershirt beneath my white team uniform. I tried to hide my chests behind the baseball glove for the rest of the game. I was a loser! My breast buds were braless!
I raced home, slammed the door, and screamed, “Mom, my life is over!” She flew down the steps to give my emergency her immediate attention.
“What’s wrong? Did you hurt yourself?” she asked.
“I don’t have a bra shadow!” I cried.
Mom was confused. “Anne, what’s a bra shadow?
“You know, you can see bra straps under white shirts. It’s a bra shadow.”
“Anne, you don’t need a bra yet. We will get you one in six months.”
I peeked under my shirt and was convinced my breast buds had grown since I got home. “I most certainly do need one, and right now!” I yelled. “Every girl on our softball team has one, except me. It’s embarrassing. I have an undershirt shadow. My life is over!” I ran to my room, threw myself on my bed, and sobbed.
I checked my breast buds before I went to bed that night. I’d hoped they sprouted during dinner. After all my complaining and looking down my shirt, my mom gave in. She took me shopping the next day at Richards Clothing Store on Lancaster Avenue. I was dizzy with excitement. There before my eyes hung a bright pink 38DD padded bra. I had no idea what the number and letters meant. Now I’d be pretty in pink at home plate. Just then, as luck would have it, who strolled down the aisle but Rosemary, my cantaloupe-busted nemesis.
I was holding a pink bra on my chest when she arrived laughing hysterically and said,
“Oh Anne, that will never fit you. That’s the size I wear. My breasts are so enormous. You’ll never fill a DD cup in your entire life! You need a training bra.” I was ready to poke her eyes out when my mom came around the corner.
Miss Cantaloupe suddenly got overly sweet. “Oh, hello, Mrs. Lawless. I’m assisting Anne in choosing a bra. I know everything about them. I’ve been wearing one for years.” My mom smiled at her. “How very thoughtful of you, Rosemary.” I snarled at my mom. We scoured the racks. I headed to the colorful bras that would highlight my shadow. Mom stayed in the white section with the dull bras. We left the store with two 34AA plain white bras. I pleaded for the lacey black one to give me extra visibility for my bra shadow, but Mom refused.
I missed the braless seventies trend completely. I was sporting sturdy Maidenform Maternity styles that decade. I cut out the circles of the cups to roughen my nipples for breastfeeding. I looked like a sultry, big-bellied stripper. Don’t judge me! I am not proud of that grand idea. I shocked the nurses when I arrived at the delivery room.
My bras have changed over the years. Once I escaped the maternity/ nursing years, I was able to get sexy again. Black lacy push-up bras, Victoria’s Secret halters, and Skimpy Balconette bras filled my lingerie drawer. I was a sex kitten!
I prided myself on being a lingerie snob. I was shocked when I confirmed the black lace push-up bra order online, only to see a Hot Air Balloon Bra suggested for me. The balloon cups were checkered bright pink and white squares with rattan baskets that dangled. I have a fear of heights! I’d never wear a bra that floats in the sky, let alone from my breasts!
Now, years later, I have an assortment of styles and colors. Some push me up. Some try to pull me up. Some crisscross in the back, giving me a fancy bra shadow, and some pull over my head. I admit to getting stuck in that process. I even have sports bras on the off chance that I go jogging.
Since those years, my excitement over bra shadows has dimmed. After the maternity stage and nursing five children, my current bra size is 38 LONG. I laugh when I remember how proud I was of my beautiful 34AA shadow.
It’s not so much the bra styles that thrill me anymore. It’s a sweet memory of time with my mom helping me find the perfect bra. I’ll never forget how she faked her excitement that morning at breakfast when she said, “Anne, it’s a miracle! You sprouted overnight!” I knew she was trying to make me feel better because I had already checked my progress. “Let’s go bra shopping!” She clapped her hands.
I’d give anything to go shopping with her one more time. We’d laugh and laugh, having a great time. I’d never want that shopping trip to end. I sure hope there’s a bra shoppe in Heaven.
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