Jeanie Doesn’t Say Bye-Bye

I am blessed to have a wonderful friend named Jeanie.

Together we can have a conversation just by nodding. The words are in our

minds sloshing around somewhere. We are the Ying and Yang

of the non-verbal world.

She will say, “I have been waiting to tell you this.”

I reply, “Oh it must be good if it needed to be in person!”

Jeanie: “Oh sweetie, you can’t imagine the day I’ve had.”

.Me: “What happened?” I ask.

Jeanie: “It’s been a long day, but I really want to tell you this.”

Me: “Just tell me. The suspense is killing me.”

Jeanie: “Tell you what?” She’ll look at me quizzically and smiled.

Me: “Well, I have news.” I’ve decided to go to the gym with

you three times a week.”

Jeanie: “That is great news! When do we go?”

Me: “Go where?”

Jeanie: “You said you’re going to workout with me and Jim.”

Me” Who’s Jim?”

Between the two of us we should not be allowed in public without supervision.

Jeanie has several qualities that I admire. She is a mover and shaker. She does

not procrastinate like I do. She loves to exercise. I only go with her because she

picks me up and promises me a glass of wine later.

She cleans out her closet AND brings her older clothes to the Goodwill containers.

I stash mine in big bags until I can’t walk into my closet anymore.

She tries new recipes all the time. I have a few basic recipes and if I want

to get fancy, I sprinkle some fresh basil on top. Naturally, I get the basil

from Jeanie’s patio garden.

She has very firm legs and no butt. I know this because she reminds me

daily that I should give her some of my butt. I could also give her a little of

my bat-wing arms (more than a little to be honest).

Jeanie has a “long story short’ disorder. She cannot tell a short story. She even

abbreviated it to LSS. She wrote that on my birthday card but she couldn’t remember

why she wrote it or what it even meant. We drank two glasses of wine trying to figure it out.

“Could it be “Lots of love, sassy?” I guess. She ponders that for a few seconds. “No, No!”

“How about, “Love story sentiments?” “No, that’s not it,” she repeated.

Finally, she shrieked, “I know! It’s long story short!”

While there are many things I love about Jeanie, there is one habit I really envy. She says,

“Bahhhh Bye,” just like Marilyn Monroe. She doesn’t flip her skirt or anything.

She just uses a very soft, sultry, voice. I’m pretty sure she flutters her lashes too.

I, on the other hand, have a habit of hanging up on people while they are still talking.

I’ve been seen leaning into the phone and saying “Okay, see you later. Bye,”

all in one breath. Then clink! The call is over for me. Sometimes they are still talking.

I decided I need to be more phone friendly and use soft farewells, like Jeanie. I even

practiced this week. When she dropped me off after exercise, I popped out of

her car and closed the door. Then I tapped on her window and said in my softest

Marilyn voice, “Bahhhh Bye.” I tried to look very demure.

This sent us into fits of laughter. I opened and closed the car door again to

improve my Bahhhh Bye. Again, fits of laughter ensued. The neighbors must

have thought we skipped our medication. I even slapped my knee like Jeanie

does when she makes a Jeanie joke.

And now the time has come to say, “Bahhhh Bye,” in my sweetest,

most sultry voice.

I’m looking very demure. I hope you enjoy my sultry farewell.