I first met seventy-five year old, Benjamin, in the kitchen at Bay Pines VA Hospital in the hospice unit. I was making my usual Wednesday soup when he wandered in. He had a great smile and wore a green crochet cap. He wore the standard army-brown pajamas. He no sooner arrived and the dietician followed him for a meeting. “Ben, what are your favorite foods?” she asked. “I can order anything you like.” He thought for a minute and said, “I like to eat healthy. No sugar. No salt. I need protein and anti-oxidants.”
“Ben, you can order anything you like. Do you like lobster?” she asked.
He studied the menu. She handed him a supplement drink to sip. The first thing he did was check the label.
“Whoa! Did you see how many carbohydrates are in this drink?”
“Ben, it’s all good. You can have this daily,” she counseled. “In hospice you can have any food you like.”
“Daily? Look at the sugar and carbs in here! I am a health nut, for crying out loud. I can’t have this.” She looked at me confused. Most hospice patients will order foods they love like lobster, steak, and fancy desserts. Ben was having none of that. He wanted anti-oxidants and organic food. He requested extra onions in his soup; extra onions in his omelet. He wanted extra onions in anything and everything. “They’re anti-oxidants,” he told me. I added a five pound bag of onions to the next shopping list.
My husband, Scott, always visited each room and chatted with the patients and families. He was so happy that Ben was getting a new roommate. “Ben, they’re moving in a roommate for you. You’ll have company now.” Well, it turned out that the new roommate, Todd, was not a health nut. He rode a Harley. One of his favorite hangouts was Shadracks, a biker bar in Passa Grille on the beach. While Todd preferred a beer and greasy hamburgers, Ben wanted sugar-free, organic food. The two of them became our favorite patients to visit. It was Felix and Oscar from the Odd Couple all over again.
It was near Thanksgiving when I asked them if they had a request for something special. Ben shouted out right away, “A pumpkin pie, with no sugar!”
This sent Todd into a tirade. His arms were flailing. His face was beet red. “Oh for the love of God! Will someone get him a damn a sugar free pie? I can’t stand to hear one more word about sugar-free pie! Every pie they bring him is too sweet for him.”
Ben just smiled. I asked Todd what he would like and he said, “A pumpkin pie to shut Ben up.” I shopped three different stores and finally found a low sugar pumpkin pie. Todd thought it was wonderful. Ben thought it was still too sweet.
The following week Ben shocked me asking for a Butterfinger candy bar. “Ben, you never eat candy.” I reminded him. “I have a craving for a Butterfinger.” The next visit I brought a jumbo sized Butterfinger for him. I have a picture of him holding it in his hand with a big smile on his face. He ate the entire bar and went to sleep for two full days in sugar shock.
Todd said it was the best 2 days of his life!
Ben kept me company whenever I volunteered in the kitchen. I loved his smile. I knew it would be difficult for me when his time came. It was actually hard to believe he had cancer because he was such a character. He had a smile for everyone and always made patients and families laugh.
His family came for breakfast every Friday. His sister came running in the kitchen, “Anne! Anne! We have to take Ben to the Tampa airport. He wants to fly.” We’d learned in hospice training that people will use metaphors at the end of their life. What he was telling her was that his spirit was getting ready to fly.
Naturally, his time did come. I went into his room at breakfast to take his usual order: two eggs over easy, whole wheat toast, orange juice and a piece of the French toast bake I made every week. He was half sitting up against his pillow. His eyes were closed and he had a big old smile on his face. He opened his eyes to say, “Anne, I think I’m getting ready to soar. It is so beautiful there.” I hate when they leave. I felt tears sting my eyes.
“I’m going to miss you, Ben. You are one of my favorites here.” I held his hand.
“I’ll miss you too, Anne. Maybe when I get to Heaven I can ask God to send you up too.” He squeezed my hand.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! “No Ben, not yet, please. I have kids and grandkids I would miss. And who would feed Scott?” He agreed not to ask God to send me up.” I’ll just see when it’s your time,” he grinned at me. I made him promise he wouldn’t ask for my early check-in to Heaven. I was really going to miss this guy.
A few days later, Ben passed in his sleep, peacefully. He’s in Heaven now enjoying sugar-free puddings to supply his favorite, vitamin D. I’m sure he no longer needs anti-oxidants.
Every time I peel an onion and tears sting my eyes, I think of him. This Thanksgiving when I have a piece of pumpkin pie, I hope he’ll be watching because I am going to complain, “Oh my gosh! This is way too sweet!” And then I’ll smile.
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