Wine Whine Wine

There are so many quizzes now on Facebook: “What kind of animal are you? What kind of animated character are you? How bitchy are you?” So many choices! I don’t take those tests. I don’t care if I’m a lion, a tiger or a bear…oh my! I don’t care if I’m Miss Piggy or Doc Mc Stuffins. I can save the time taking the bitchy quiz and tell you right off the bat that I can be bitchy, but that’s usually when I’m provoked. I’m working on that. I find my descriptions of myself elsewhere.

I like to read wine bottles. They intrigue me. I’m not a connoisseur to actually taste what they proclaim the vineyard produces, but I love the descriptions they use. I never taste the licorice, mint, or aromatic flowers. The tannin escapes me, as well. If it’s wine, I drink it. I think I may find my own personal charming description on these labels and it will suit me perfectly.

White Zinfandel combines crisp refreshment with bright fruit. It has flavors of fresh strawberry and hints of white peach. Now doesn’t that sound just like me at a garden party? I probably had woken up from a nap so I looked crisp. I must have worn an apple red sundress. And I probably had strawberry shortcake with a slice of white peach along with a goblet of white zin. Call me Mrs. Zin. (not Sin)

There is also a Café Zinfandel which is smoother and lighter. That would be me if I lost twenty pounds. It claims “it delights with strawberry, raspberry, and watermelon flavors and can be served chilled. Let it take you to your favorite neighborhood spot, the one where friends gather for great conversations and sun-kissed patio tables invite hours of lounging.” Count me in! The only issue I would have is the sun-kissed patios in Florida would burn my raspberry butt, but I would adjust. I am a firm believer in making friends in the neighborhood and especially, lounging.

Cabernet from Bordeaux professes the flavor is comparable to well, you decide. “Imagine you filled a leather bag with a pound of black cherries and held it close to your chest while you rolled down a hill. Yum!”  Truthfully after a few glasses of wine, I might be game to try this, providing it is a small hill. It is also best served with meats and high fat food. What’s not to love?

The other night I enjoyed a cabernet which read, “Enjoy while young and sassy.” At first I thought that was a horrible sales technique. What about all of us older people? I drank it anyway. I always feel young and sassy when I drink wine. My friend said they meant the wine was young and sassy, not the drinker. Who knew?

Merlot is full bodied and cheaper than the cabernet but it has a smoother finish. It is affordable and underrated, much like myself.

Riesling has a colorful German heritage that’s had a bad reputation in the eighties. My mother–in-law would love to discuss my reputation in that time period at length, however she’s in Heaven now (I hope). We finally get along famously.

Unoaked Chardonnay has a brand named “Wine With No Pants”. They describe it as getting saucy without pants. No need for me to explain the comparison to moi’.

There is also a Petet-Vidure that drinks well without food.  Hello! Is this me or what?

I can finally describe myself to you.

I am a full bodied, crisp, rolling down the hill with a pound of cherries, kind of girl. I’m smooth, colorful and had a bad reputation in the eighties (according my mother-in-law only) I’m affordable and under rated. I like to lounge on sun-kissed patios and I can get saucy with or without my pants on. And last, but not least, I drink well with or without food.

Take that, Facebook!