Last year Scott surprised me with a pedicure for Mother’s Day. It sounded very
relaxing. He said, “You don’t have to do a thing. I’ll even get the nail polish.” I
thought this sounded lovely. I remembered for a minute that he is color blind, but
quickly dismissed the thought. When he arrived home from shopping I asked,
“What color did you pick?”
He reached into the bag and pulled out a school bus yellow bottle of polish.
“I’ve never seen that color before,” I told him. “Well, Anne, I realized it’s the color
of Ovetchkens’s skate laces.” Now I understand hockey fan loyalty, but seriously?
The color of a hockey player’s laces?? Did he ever think Anne isn’t a fan of
yellow? Obviously not.
To be a good sport and to appreciate the thought behind the gift, I went along.
Well not only is he color blind, he has horrible peripheral vision. It looked like
a kindergartner finger painted my toes! I had yellow all over my cuticles.
When he offered to do my nails to match I quickly replied, “Oh no! You have done
so much for me already.”
I hoped no one would notice my feet, but in the flip flop state, they are out for
viewing all day, every day. And believe me….people noticed. I was at the grocery
store when an older lady spotted my yellow polish. “Well, aren’t you bright
today?” she remarked. I explained that it was a gift from my husband. “Really?”
she said as she raised her eyebrow, “are you still married?” Now that was just not
right. I told her, “It was a very sweet gesture and I love it.”
After two weeks of comments from strangers, I decided it’s time for a color
change. I went to the closest nail salon for my pedi. I brought my sister-in-law,
Elaine with me. We get a pedicure when she visits every year. It’s a tradition and
we get a pedicure annually whether we need it or not.
We sat in chairs next to each other and within a few minutes, I glanced over at
Elaine. She was smiling as her back was vibrating. I, on the other hand, was
vibrating in a different area. Something had come alive in the seat of my chair.
Something in my seat liked me way too much. This thing was lusting after me! I
felt like I was cheating on my husband. I whispered to Elaine, “Does your chair
like you too?” She looks at me like I had three heads. “Seriously, Elaine, there is
something in my chair that is after me.” She thinks I’m kidding. She tells me to
change the vibration to relax my back. I felt so much better with my breasts
shaking like a grassy skirt suction cup doll. I started to settle down.
One lady came to do my pedicure and naturally she asks about my school bus
polish. I tell her that my husband did this as a gift. She burst out laughing. “Yor
huband do dis to yu? Hahahah!” I try to explain that he did it for Mother’s day
as a gift from the heart. By now six other women are cackling and all I can
understand is, “Her huband do dat to huh, tee hee hee.” They are huddling in a fit
of hysterics. One by one they come by to inspect my feet. “Oh yor huband? You
like your huband?” they ask.
I was starting to heat up. I was not having fun now. They had taken my sweet
gift and made me a laughing stock. Beads of sweat were forming on my brow.
Between the inspection of the feet and the thing that was in my seat, I just wanted
to go home to see “dat man who did dis to me.” From now on, I will only have
one pedicurist and his name is Scott. Then again, maybe I start wearing socks.
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