No Sob Zone

No Sob Zone

I thought I could handle it. It was the first anniversary of my mom’s passing. I didn’t want to sit around and cry all day. I thought if I went to my gift shop, I’d stay busy and I could get through the day without tears. To be certain of a distraction, I brought a big wicker basket with four of our kittens who needed a good home.

My store was “Anne’s House of Angels…gifts from the heart.” I made a sign that read Free Angelic Kittens to a good home. No tissues were needed. One by one the kittens were taken. There was just one little gray female left when neighbor shop owner came by to visit. She held the kitten, stroking her as she curled into her arm.

“Do you think she’ll miss her mom?” she asked. She did not just say that!!

My heart exploded. The floodgates opened. I was sobbing as I rang up purchases.  One customer made a comment, “You must really hate to see that kitty leave.” He had no idea that it was my mom I missed. “I’ve never seen such a cat lover in my life,” he continued.

This happened around two in the afternoon. I cried until five o’clock and all the way home too.

Whatever made me think that I could block such sadness by working? How strong do I think I am?

It was insanity. I would never suggest that to another person in my life. I couldn’t even tell anyone the real reason for my tears. Every time I tried to explain, the sadness got deeper and my tears came harder.

I actually learned this technique from my mom. She worked through every issue in her life. Just before she passed, she was very weak from the chemo. She never missed a day of work. A neighbor heard her cries one morning and found her in the grass near her car. The neighbor went to call for help. By the time she returned a minute later, my mom had driven off to work. I come from ridiculous work genes.

My mom would have told me, “Get yourself together, Anne,” if she’d seen me at the store that day. She’d have pat me on the back and handed me some tissues. There was never time to be this sad. She’d make me a cup of tea to slow my tears. A cup of tea or tissues was not going to heal this broken heart.

I’ve never had sadness pour out of me like that. I think the tears came all the way up from my toes. My entire body was weeping uncontrollably. There was no “getting it together” for me that day.

So, did the kitten miss her mom? I really don’t know.

But I sure missed mine.

A month later, I got a call from a medium who had visited the store. She said, “I got a message from your mom this morning.” I was taken aback.”What kind of message?” I asked.

“This is going to sound strange, but she wants you to know she was there with you with the kitten. She doesn’t want you to be sad.  She’s in a good place and she never leaves your side.”

Then she asked, “Was your mom a cat lover?” I laughed. “No, not really. I know exactly what she means.” I thanked her for the message.

I still miss my mom.