I don’t remember the potty training years, or maybe I just blocked it out. After raising five kids, it was all a blur. Someone was always going through one stage or another. When I visited my three-year-old granddaughter, it all came rushing back….not flushing back.
There is no manual for potty training a child. You are on your own. Each child is different; therefore unique approaches are in order. Often it will become a battle of the wills. The parent wants it. The kid has no intention of doing it. Battle lines are drawn. Don’t despair! There are some options:
#1 Bribery is the most popular. A fancy “Potty Box” filled with presents will work for some children. It may not be as effective on spirited children. It seems to me that kids are much smarter now. “If I pee, I get one present. If I poop little poops do I get one for each?” My response: “Let’s ask Mommy.”
#2 (Ha-ha no pun intended) When they are turning bright red and grunting like a baby bull, they are not pooping. Stop asking. It’s a mystery of life how such a small child can create an odor worst than the baboon house at the zoo. The second mystery is how they continue to walk around after making that mess. They must have clogged nasal passages. Their legs will bend like Gumby to avoid the feeling, but that does not stop a play date from continuing.
#3 Fun underpants don’t make much difference if they aren’t ready. They’ll say things like:
“You wear them. I’m not going on the potty.” Do not spend too much time or money picking out super cute underwear yet.
“The little pony on the panties bites my hiney.” They’ll try to convince you the horse has real teeth. Be strong!
“I don’t like them. They scare me.” They will look panicked when they tell you this. At which time they will begin grunting like that damn little bull. All that stress has brought on a poop attack. Nice job, Mommy!
#4 In a last desperate effort, some parents hope that a full, wet diaper will make them feel so disgusting, they will want to rip that diaper off and never see it again. It has to be uncomfortable. Hah! Silly parents! They know this is a ploy.
They will walk around with their diaper full. I mean FULL. Pregnant rhinos hang like that. Ignorance is bliss and they’ll do their best to ignore this soaked feeling so you don’t start that potty talk again. They will promise you that tomorrow will be the day. Tomorrow the diapers are going away. No more stinky, soggy old diapers. Your heart swells with relief. Don’t get too excited. They’re just screwing with you.
#5 At this point, it’s best to hide the potty chair. Put it in a closet, so it’s completely out of sight. The very next day the child will go search for it and decide that it’s time to put his/her little butt on the potty. They may decide the best place for a pooping station is right there in that closet. The battle is over. They think they’ve won. You’ve lost. They are in control. This is why three-year-olds dance so much. They are joyful to be in charge!
Wouldn’t you be joyful if you knew you were in control? Now go buy yourself a pair of big girl pony panties and shake your booty. And don’t forget to help yourself to the Potty Present Box.
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