I recently purchased two new sexy bras. When I got home and put one on, it was a bit tight. The second one was even tighter. Well honestly, I was bursting out everywhere and not in a good way. Even my back had a roll. Behind my armpits, the little wings of chub were screaming to be set free. The front looked like squished cupcakes without the icing hiding behind the silky cup.
All I wanted was a few sexy bras to keep up my youthful spirits. This was not a Wonder Bra, as advertised, but I did wonder what the hell happened since my last bra purchase.
To be honest, it must have been five years ago. It seems I am very low maintenance. I have a dozen bras of all different shapes and colors stuffed in my bra drawer. None of them fit properly. I know I should let the creepy lady in the lingerie department lurking with the tape measure around her neck, size my boobs. But she scares me. I don’t trust a woman who’s lifetime goal is to measure another woman’s boobs. Call me crazy! Even if she has a degree in bras, I don’t trust her.
After my last shopping experience I decided I need to design my own bra. It would need to be sexy, with a little lace and it would tenderly hold my big old boobs, as my granddaughter calls them. It’s amazing that I can still be a sex kitten at sixty four. My new bra design would incorporate style; comfort and curb appear…I mean cup appeal. There are no bras like this in the stores, even on the clearance rack. Trust me!
My design is very unique and an interestingly creative masterpiece. I know there is a market and I intend to take full advantage. I will be a very rich woman soon.
My Step-In Suspender Bra line will feature sexy suspenders, not like a farmer might wear. When you open the package, don’t be alarmed. The suspenders are five foot long for a very good reason. You will step into the bra and yank your breasts up with the mini-hoist clipped onto the left suspender. Do this gently or they will be your new Adam’s apple. Think of it as an escalator. Don’t rush the steps. After about six tries, you will love your new, sexy, Step-in Suspender Bra.
To deescalate the “girls” just click gently on the little pink flower on the right suspender strap. Do not, I repeat, do not push and hold. Your boobies will hit the floor in a flash and your sexiness will disappear immediately. Maybe I should include nipple pads, just for safety. This is the fun part of designing. I can acclimate, as needs arise.
Who knew designing lingerie could be so much fun? I’m off to find absorbent canvas for granny thongs. Watch for my catalog in the mail!! Buy stock now! We can all be wealthy!!
I’ll take one! 🙂