Sweat or Big Hairy Black Spider?

I am not the type of person who ever took drugs to hallucinate,

until last week. I didn’t try to see strange things, but there they

were, nonetheless. I’d complained to my doctor that I was

perspiring so heavily on my face, neck, and chest that it was

embarrassing. I actually have videos on my phone to prove my

sweat attacks are serious. There’s one in my car through the

rear-view mirror actually showing sweat drops. There’s a back

shot of my head to show my soaking wet hair. There’s

one to music. That was an accident. I have a dozen all together.

Previous doctors all diagnosed post-menopausal hot flashes. That

made me heat up even faster. Did they not see my videos? I’m

sixty-nine years old. This has nothing to do with menopause!

I listened patiently to their suggestions. Calm down was a common

suggestion. Seriously, calm down? I whipped out my camera to show

my number six video, with droplets of sweat on my forehead and

fogged up glasses.

”Let’s add some iron to your supplements, even though your iron

is fine in your bloodwork,” one doctor suggested. That just gave me

black stools while I sweated on the toilet!  

Another doctor suggested I take a calming tea. I pulled up photo

number eight that showed the entire front of my chest soaked. I

should be a photographer. I captured two drops of water dripping

from my chin hair! When the hell did that get there? I should just

capitalize of this excessive perspiration.

Another doctor suggested Botox until he saw the area that I drenched.

“Well, that would be a fortune if we gave you the injections!” At

least he was honest.

Another prescribed a roll on anti-perspirant. “You want me to put this

on my face?” I asked. Okay so I was being snarky, but seriously the

label stated clearly to cover the entire armpit area and apply at night.

Again, I pulled up another video to prove the areas that needed

attention. It was not my armpits.

Finally, I found a very nice doctor who took me seriously. He told me

I was like a puzzle. We’d have to try different medications to see

which worked the best. Finally! I had tears in my eyes. I was so full

of hope. I’d finally been heard.

I started on Nortriptyline 25 mg. Next visit it was increased to 50 mg.

 I was feeling a difference. At 75 mg I really noticed a difference. He

added 1 mg of Glycopyrrol to get the full effect.

For weeks, I slept like a baby. I did have dry mouth, but that was

a side effect I was willing to live with. Last week I had a strange

thing happened in the middle of the night. I woke to see my

granddaughter, who lives in North Carolina, standing in my bedroom

entrance. I was shocked! “Kaylee, come here and lay by my side.

It’s cozy,” I told her. She never moved. I went back to sleep.

The most recent thing has been a black, hairy spider. He was on

my husband’s arm when I opened my eyes. He said I scratched at

his arm, but he had no idea why. “Get that spider!” I screamed.

It was moving up and down his arm. I threw the covers off,

but no spider shook out.

The next two mornings I woke to a huge, black, hairy, spider on

the ceiling right over our bed. I jumped under the covers and yelled,

“Get that damn spider!” I had my head covered in case he dropped.  

Again, my husband said, “There is no spider.” I opened my eyes,

and the spider went poof. I watched him disappear. It was like

watching a cartoon.

I closed my eyes to relax for a few minutes and when I opened

them again, guess who was back! Yes, the big, black, hairy, spider

and his legs had more hair this time. I dove under the covers once

more screaming for my husband to kill that thing.

 Anne, there is no spider.” I pointed to it. We have a white ceiling. You

could not miss this baseball size spider. Poof! He went again.

Imagine how sad I was to learn I may have to stop the drug that cured

my sweating malady. Sure, it makes me see bugs that go poof on my

ceiling, but this is not fair.

I’ll be back to videoing my dripping head. If only I could get that

spider in the camera lens. Surely my doctor might put me back on

the meds and prescribe a massive can of bug spray.

 Time will tell.