When I Am Old

When I am old, I will eat cheesecake for breakfast with a fruit topping and cover it with whipped cream, extra creamy of course.

When I am old, I will not match my bra and panties. I may not wear a bra, honestly. Who will check?

When I am old, I will play with my grandchildren and pretend I am their age. We will have tons of fun. We will discuss important things like the wind, the stars and the man in the moon.

When I am old, I am going to hug my husband tight all during the night. He will not be able to escape my grip.

When I am old, I will wear whatever feels soft on me that day. I will throw out anything that needs an iron.

When I am old, I will wear sexy shoes. No orthopedics for me!

When I am old, I will spray myself with expensive perfumes!

When I am old, I will use baby powder on my inner thighs to prevent chub rub.

When I am old, I will nap after coffee if I am tired. I will nap after lunch if I am tired. I will damn well take a nap when I want. Do Not wake me up!

When I am old I will visit children’s lemonade stands. I will buy three glasses and tell them how refreshing it is. I will make them smile. Then I will tip them really big to make me smile.

When I am old, I will not step on ants. They’re just trying to get home to their little families and I imagine they must be exhausted with those miniature legs going that long distance.

When I am old, I will meet friends for tea or coffee at a coffee shoppe. It will not be a chain store. Oh no! We will visit a local shoppe and laugh with the owners and be delighted to meet folks as they come in.

When I am old, I will sit in the afternoon shade and listen to the birds and the wind chimes, with my journal in hand.

When I am old I will snort and belly laugh with joy.

When I am old, I will stop if I see someone sad and just put my hand on them. I will smile and tell them it will be okay.

When I am old, I will cherish my friends and make time for a glass of wine and laughter. I will be a good friend.

When I am old, I am not going to worry about being my chubby self. I am going to refer to myself as having extra pockets of wisdom, instead of extra pounds.

When I am old, I am going to sing the song Beauty and the Beast out loud. No more humming for me! I am going to serenade the neighborhood. I will not be insulted if they hold their ears.

In just a few days, I will be sixty five. I used to think that was old. Now I realize that my view of “old” changes as I age. Ninety is a reasonable age to be old in my mind now.

As I wrote this list of things I’d do when I got old, it dawned on me that each and every one is a beautiful thought. Why would I ever wait until I got old to do these things?

Somebody better warn my husband that there will be a serenading, braless woman chasing him tonight.  He’ll recognize that woman right away. She’ll be bellowing Beauty and the Beast. Warn him he cannot escape her grip.